


hitori ja nai

by Shiroyuki



Series: dorks in love [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dorks in Love, First Love, Fluffy, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, love is confusing, originally in portuguese, some supposedly poetic metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiroyuki/pseuds/Shiroyuki
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a Solitary and Selfish King who had no subjects. Once upon a time, there was a Small Crow who wanted to fly. Fate made them meet, and complete each other's lives. Fate also wanted to plant the seed of doubt in their hearts. Could the Selfish King overcome his problem in dealing with feelings to reach the Little Crow in his free flight?Or–Kageyama has problems with feelings and a sudden and deep urge to kiss his friend.





	hitori ja nai

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people!  
> This story was written ages ago, but I recently decided to translate it into English and post it here, because I really like it a lot  
> it brings me good memories of a time when everything was simpler (and I look like an old woman talking, but it's true). It was originally written as a birthday gift for a friend, and as it was written a long time ago, it may have some confusing parts with the anime, or with the original manga, so please, don't mind ~ and I hope you like it!  
> The original version, written in Portuguese, is also on the site if someone who reads in Portuguese prefers it.

_Once upon a time, there was a Solitary and Selfish King, who gave his orders nonchalantly, without worrying about his subjects. He was a good King, but for being so egocentric, he lost his place. He was abandoned and realized that even if he continued to be a king, that would have no value if there were no one to hear his commands. The King of Nowhere, from above, was once again alone._

_Once upon a time, there was a Little Crow who wanted to fly. He wanted to fly higher than anyone, wanted to see the world from above. But he was small, could not climb as much as he wanted. Their wings could barely beat against the strong wind. Other larger birds covered his vision. No one understood his desire to grow, and to become a Little Giant. The Crow was, there on the ground, with all his inexplicable willpower, alone._

_Fate is a relentless force and very ironic one as well. It wanted the Selfish King and the Little Crow to know each other in the most improbable way imaginable. The Little Crow was the ideal partner for the Selfish King, knowing how to trust in his decisions. And the Selfish King, in turn, was able to put the Little Crow at the highest point, letting him spread his wings and take advantage of the wind._

_The two found that they were perfect for each other. An unbeatable combo. Their thoughts synchronized in such a way that it hardly seemed like they had known each other so recently. However, Fate, with its hopeless sense of humor, willed their friendship to the test, planting the seed of doubt in their hearts. More than once, leaving them aimlessly for some time, until they found their way back to each other._

_They always did._

_They were no longer alone. Or maybe there was more in that simple, unexpected friendship than they understood. And it could, in any case, prevent them from pursuing along the same road any longer. They would have to overcome this by themselves._

 

* * *

 

 

It was winter. The snow fell slowly and accumulated wherever there was a place, on the roofs, the windows, the leafless trees, and the sidewalks. The cold wind blew noisily, finding gaps where it could enter and freeze every available space. The year would soon be over, and although there were many people who liked this time of year, this was an exception at the volleyball club of Karasuno School in Miyagi district.

“Ugh, we can’t practice…” Hinata Shouyou, the Karasuno team's ‘best bait’, complained non-stop all the way back from school. Unsurprisingly, sports or outdoor activities at school were paralyzed because of the cold in that period of time, so they could not use the gym.

“Yeah,” Kageyama Tobio, setter, answered simply because, although Hinata's incessant chatter irritated him deeply, he couldn’t deny his claims. Not being able to train sucks. “Well… Hinata, are you going anywhere now or–”

“Oooh, Hinata!” A shout came from above and the two freshmen startled before the orange-haired boy could answer. Coming at high speed from the hill just behind came Tanaka, and soon beside him Nishinoya. The two arrived there faster than Kageyama was able to be surprised. Those two had so much energy, even in the cold, which was exhausting just from watching. “Do you want to go to eat manjuu with us?”

Hinata seemed to get excited at the idea, as a huge smile brightened his face. “Yeaaaah!”

“You just said you didn’t have the money to pay what you owed me the other day,” Kageyama growled, suddenly irritated.

“Uhh, you always ruin everything…” Hinata winced, his eyes narrowing to the tall one’s side.

“Don’t worry, your senpai here are going to pay for everything today!” Nishinoya shouted, pointing energetically to himself. Tanaka nodded, to reinforce the idea. “Want to come too, Kageyama?” He added.

 “No, I pass. Have to go home.” he sank his hands into the pocket, turning his face to the other side. Without looking back again, he went on his way. The loud voices of the three could still be heard for a few more streets until he got far enough. He kept his expression though and didn’t support even his own thoughts. He was trying not to think about anything, however, in the silence and cold and with a long way to go, this task became more impossible with each step of his feet sinking in the fluffy snow.

He could not remember exactly when that uneasy feeling had begun. Earlier, Hinata Shouyou was just an annoying and noisy shrimp who said insane things about becoming an ace and jumping higher than anyone else. At some point, his eyes turned to him, and once he noticed it Kageyama could not stop watching him. First, he recognized him as a potential partner. Hinata became the person who would always be there to receive his passes. To cut the air, believing he would throw the ball right in your hand. Believing with his eyes closed. It was the first time he felt the trust of another. It was a strange sensation, but he grew accustomed, reluctant though.

After that, he wouldn’t admit it easily, but they became friends. Hinata could be a nuisance, with all his energy, and he could pester Kageyama beyond any limits sometimes… or almost always, to be honest. Although, without noticing, he turned out to be a good company. A good partner. A really good friend. He was someone whom Kageyama could trust too, with his eyes closed; And then, at a certain moment, some ordinary day like any other, his eyes began to chase after Hinata many more times. Not just to direct the ball to him. Not just during training. Not with rational thoughts.

The boy's actions became much more remarkable to Kageyama. Hinata hid behind him when he felt trapped. He imitated Tanaka's words to motivate him and said embarrassing things to encourage everyone. He made stupid imitations of him and was not ashamed to say what he thought, no matter the time or place. He smiled more than anyone when they won, and he was not afraid to cry when they lost.

He knew how to value small things, and though he always wanted to win, of course, he didn’t despise defeat. He only used this as an incentive to seek even more thirst for a chance to recover. And above all, he was someone who could jump as high as he could, to hit a ball he didn’t even know that was going to be there, just because… he knew how to trust.

Oh, yes…  Kageyama lost patience with Hinata so many times. Countless, endless times. He wanted to hit his head as much as he wanted to… well, it was enough to know that Hinata was able to bring out the most uncontrolled side of his personality. The same Kageyama, who used to be so measured, always knowing exactly what he should do. Hinata made him lose his temper. In all good and bad meanings.

When his eyes drifted to Hinata during training, and he saw that smile so bright… or his serious and thoughtful face… the ball always ended up going a little out the way. He shouted and blamed the other to disguise. But he knew very well what was going on in his mind when that kinda thing happened before. And the more he thought about it, and the more the conclusion became clear, the more he realized how big was the problem he had put himself into.

In moments just like that, when Hinata was close to the others and showing himself to get along with them all, he felt something squeezing in the background. Especially if he openly demonstrated the admiration he felt for the other players, such as when he began to praise Nishinoya too much, or watched Asahi play with shining eyes.

It was a weird and unnecessary sensation. Hinata was the kind of person who got along with anyone, no matter who they were, and did not care to say openly what he thought of them. Had not he become friends with his Nekoma rivals in the blink of an eye? And convinced a timid and insecure girl to become manager of the team, without effort. This was the type of person Hinata was.

Someone everyone could count on, someone who did not hesitate… but Kageyama, living up to the nickname Selfish King, still had this shallow thought of wanting those determined and lively eyes to focus only on him. Damn, what a stupid thought.

During the junior high, his teammates on Kitagawa Daichi once played a game during one of their games trips.  It was a round of questions and answers, but as always, Tobio chose to stand aside, pretending disinterest. At one time, the question was simple. “What's the most insane thing one could ever do?” He could not remember more what his colleagues had said, or what he thought at the time.  But now, surely, he had an answer to that question.

The most insane thing a human could do in its life, without a doubt, was fall in love.

 

* * *

  


“Oe, Kageyama… you look weird…” Shoyou settled on his knees, nudging his cheek with the tip of his pencil. Tobio snapped his tongue in the roof of his mouth, irritated. “You have a stomach ache, huh?”

“Shut up and sit there, you dumbass!” He shouted, turning his attention to the exercise book in front of him. Finals would soon arrive shortly after the recess, and they could not afford to take additional classes in any way. Not if they wanted to reach the nationals in this life. The two agreed to study together, and Kageyama’s house was chosen at that time. So far so good. But they had to be absolutely alone in that house, today? With Kageyama struggling to stay focused, because Hinata was wearing a damn fox-eared cap, and his face flushed superficially by the recent cold he had faced in the street.

With the tip of his pencil resting on his slightly cracked lips, Hinata was trying to think seriously about something. A little wrinkle formed between his eyebrows when he realized that no matter how much he thought, he was still an idiot. The tip of his tongue was out when he was too excited ‘cause he’d found the right answer, and the calculations were beginning to make sense.

“Are you sure that you don’t have the flu or something?” Hinata insisted, shortly afterward, “You are just there, with this blank face, sighing every five minutes. Kinda weird, you know?”

“Mind your own business, dumbass. If you don’t get at least a 60 in the next text, you can say goodbye to practice till next semester.”

“Aaah, I knooow! But this goes for you, too! Is that what you’re so worried about, then?” Hinata inclined his face, inquiring earnestly. Kageyama knew like no one that when that redhead put something in his head, it was difficult to take away. He shrugged evasively.

“Must be. Now tell me, what formula did you use to solve number four?”

“Doesn’t seem like that…” Of course, he wasn’t going to let it go so easily “You’re thinking of something else, and it’s been a long time. I noticed that your tosses don’t have all that “gwaaa” that they had before. You’ve been messing around lately…”

“Who do you think you are to say that I’m a mess, huh?” Kageyama raised his voice, grabbing Hinata by the scarf he still wore around his neck, bringing him closer “I don’t wanna hear it from someone who can barely serve, in the first place!”

“I'm not saying it's the world’s end for you to make a mistake, Kageyama…” Despite the situation, Hinata continued to talk normally. “It's just that with your tosses, I can feel your hesitation. And I think it has nothing to do with volleyball”

Of course, that damned instinct was there to betray him.  Hinata was naturally perceptive, and though he was too stupid to interpret anything, he would certainly see if there was something wrong. He released Hinata and sat down on the floor where he was before. There was still the low center table between them, but with the previous movement, part of the notebooks and pencils had fallen and scattered. Tobio began to collect them, pretending that it was no big deal.

“It’s all fine.”  He murmured, still against his will. He did not want to say anything, especially to him, but it would be strange to give no answer after that. “I promise I'll keep my personal affairs off the court. It will not happen again.” Hopefully. It was one thing to feel strange every time he looked at Hinata, and he could learn to deal with those feelings, but if that was going to keep him from the court, he would rather not feel anything whatsoever.

“This is impossible! Kageyama from outside or inside the court remains the same Kageyama. Your mind will continue to worry about whatever it is, wherever you are.” Shouyou stated, clapping his hands on the table in front of him as he glared at the other. He took off his cap and his hair was messier than ever, remembering flaming, vivid flames. He leaned across the table, not looking away. “Bakageyama… do you have a crush on someone?”

“What? Dumbass, what do you have on this head of yours, asking something like this out of nowhere?!”

“Oh, it's just…” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, awkwardly. He had his mind onto something, this was a fact. Tobio just couldn’t see exactly what or the reason it was letting him so nervous. “I heard a conversation between coach and sensei one of these days…  they were talking about the mistakes that we do, something like this, and coach Ukai was frustrated because we get too distracted. Sensei said that it was better to don’t mind at this, ‘cause young hearts are easily carried away by love… I don’t know, I just… thought that you could be like that because there’s someone in your mind, that’s all.” He chuckled, trying to ease the tension. Kageyama thought it was absurd that someone who barely decorates a physics formula remembered so many details of an overheard conversation.

“This has nothing to do with you. And even if that was the case… I wouldn’t let something as banal as this disturb me in the game, not at all! Kageyama grunted, folding his arms. It was a lie, a ridiculous lie. But Hinata seemed to believe since he laughed again.

“Of course not! You’re the King of the court after all!” Kageyama didn’t even bother to tell him to stop calling him that “By the way, you probably can’t even be able to fall in love, being so boring and all. Something like that would never distract you, would it?”

“Exactly.” He agreed, nodding, still with his arms folded.

“It would be bad if you started liking some girl.” Hinata blurted out. Kageyama looked up quickly, surprised by what he heard. “Because then, you would think more of her than you think in volleyball. And I would end up falling behind… I mean, the team! The team would end up falling behind.

Tobio nodded, trying to dismiss a very foolish thought that threatened to pass through his mind. “Good thing I would not be able to do that, right?”He muttered under his breath.

“Good thing.”

The two remained in that eloquent, uncomfortable silence, which always happens after a weird conversation.  Noise from pages turning, pencils clapping on the table, Hinata's murmurs trying to think. A few minutes dragged on.

“Kageyama…” he called suddenly, taking off only his eyes from the question book, which was on the same page since it had been opened. The brunette just lifted his head at him. “You already… you know… Have you ever liked a girl before? Or did you receive any confession?”

The boy's curiosity seemed genuine. Kageyama tried not to look directly at him as he responded, but his eyes did not obey him the way he wanted, so it took him some time to plan a decent answer.

“When I was studying at Kitagawa Daiichi the girls kind of just wanted to know about Oikawa, so there was no such problem. Only when I was in the third year a girl tried to invite me out.”

“Seriously? Oooow!” Hinata looked absolutely shocked, which Kageyama should probably understand as an offense “And what did you say to her? Did you go out with her? Was she beautiful?”

“Of course not, idiot! I needed to focus on the championship, I didn’t have time for these things. And besides, I didn’t even know her!”

“Hm ... so you've never dated a girl, have you?”

“Don’t make that smug face, I know very well that you never dated anyone either!”

“And how do you know it?”

Kageyama was ready to refute the argument, when he realized that, indeed, he had no way of knowing. He knew almost nothing about Hinata's life before they met. He knew that he did not have a team trained at his old school and that he turned around to be able to train, and so his basic technique level was so deplorable. That he got totally nervous before every match. That he wanted to be an ace. But how many times did they really talk about anything other than volleyball?

Hinata's high laugh woke him from her thoughts. “Aaah, you should have seen your face!”

“You never went out with any girl, Hinata?” he demanded, more seriously than he wanted it to. Damn, he had gotten too tense. He shouldn’t show his concern about it that way, even someone as dull as Hinata would eventually realize.

“Of course yes.” He answered naturally, and Kageyama lost his breath for a second “I got out with  the women's volleyball club all the time, and they paid ice cream for me!”

Kageyama felt like punching that terribly smiling face, but instead, he just threw the nearest cushion at him. How dare he, play with his worries that way! Frankly, Kageyama Tobio, you could have measured your choices better before falling for someone so…  so… ugh, he lacked words to describe how much irritation such a small person could cause at once.

“So…” he was more frustrated with his own line of thought than with Hinata itself. But it seemed that after having brought that subject up, he could hardly control himself again. Kageyama had always been rather impulsive in dealing with sensitive matters, and Hinata had the ability to bring up to surface this less controlled side of his. “… haven't you ever kissed a girl before? And I'm not talking about the ladies of the women's volley club!”

“Of course not! If I never had a girlfriend, how would I kiss a girl?” Hinata explained what was obvious to him. Kageyama just snorted, dissatisfied with his own restlessness. He should stop right now and focus on math again. That was all that mattered.

“And you never thought… I don’t know, what would it be like?” He cleared his throat and turned his head toward the window. An almost imperceptible tremor made the pencil in his hand falter. He could hardly believe what he was trying to do.

“Mm…  I think I've already thought once…” Hinata looked up at the ceiling, clasping his hands around the ankles, legs crossed in front of him. He was really thinking hard about the question.  His naiveté at the other's intentions was annoyingly disturbing. At least take the hint, idiot! I feel like a deceiver… “Actually, I never cared much about it, but my friends bothered me a little. I think it must be cool, you know, hanging out with a girl and all, I just never felt like it.

“I see.”

“Everyone cares so much for that! What's so good about kissing a girl? It should not be better than the feeling of hitting the ball you toss for me and make a point!” He tapped his arm in the air, to illustrate. For an instant, his eyes flashed with the memory of that feeling. Kageyama laughed internally.

“So there's no reason to worry, right?” Tobio shrugged, sitting back and resting his hands on the floor. “If you don’t want to do that, after all.”

“If only it were with a pretty girl like Shimizu-senpai…”

“Are you kidding? You can barely exchange two words with senpai without sweating like a pig and shaking nonstop. He rolled his eyes, disdainful. “ You could not stand it for two minutes, without throwing up in her!”

“How evil of you, Kageyama-kun! That's why you can’t find a girlfriend! You're jealous because Shimizu-senpai likes me more than you!” Hinata's tongue flashed, clearly in an attempt to irritate Kageyama even more, perhaps expecting him to explode, scream, and kick his ass out of the house at that moment. But the setter only sighed, suddenly too tired to even respond to the kid's taunts.

“Doesn’t matter. This is too complicated for a fool like you understand, after all.” He had no idea what he was waiting for when he continued with the subject, for he knew very well how dense Hinata could be. It only made him feel worse about himself.

“Don’t be like that, Kageyama! Of course, I understand that too! I just do not know why the others seem to care so much whether I kissed a girl or not…” he muttered, arousing again Kageyama’s curiosity.

“Others? Has anyone else ever asked you about that?”

“During the training camp, the senpai was talking about it… Well, they're older, of course, they already have experience! Although I think Tanaka-senpai and Nishinoya-senpai were lying to me. Anyway, they laughed a lot, so it was not cool” Hinata sighed deeply “If only there was a way to get it over with.”

“How so?” Tobio's voice came out sharper than he had pretended, and he cursed himself for it. An ephemeral, treacherous idea passed through his mind, and he tried not to think too much about. Hinata Shouyou was too flighty for his own safety, and that was a fact.

“You know. Kissing a person soon, and then that problem wouldn’t exist anymore. So when someone asked I would know what they’re talking about.  And they were going to stop pestering me about it” he snorted, running his hand through his disheveled hair. It was as if now that he'd stopped to think about it, he realized that this subject really bothered him.

“I think I understand what you mean” Kageyama stared at some point near the floor and the wall, trying to clear his mind. He was just thinking how much he would like to end all this turmoil that prevented him from focusing on volleyball alone, all at once. If there was a quick way, to take Hinata out of his thoughts and his mind to go back to being what it was before, that would solve all his problems.

Maybe… just maybe…  If he proved to Hinata and himself that this whole disturbance was just a fleeting mistake. If he tried, at least once, he could be sure of what he felt, he would realize that he had been foolish in giving vent to some wild impulses and that none of that made any sense at all. He would then forget. No regrets. So simple.

It was like when I was a child, saw a toy on TV, and wanted it immediately. But after much insistence and asking for such toy, when he finally got it, it was no longer exactly what he had imagined, so he would lose interest quickly. Perhaps his strange fixation on Hinata was nothing more than a simple whim. Yes, that even made sense. It was not hard to try.

“Hinata…” he called hesitantly, hating the way that name sounded on his lips. He was already beginning to regret that stupid and irrational idea. Where the hell was he with his head?

“Hm?” The boy raised his eyes, large and round, toward Tobio. Those bright honey-colored eyes, attentive to everything around him, except the obvious. Thousands of reasons for not doing what he was about to do jumped in Tobio’s head, but he rebuffed them all, using less convincing arguments to come up with an acceptable excuse for the attitude he would eventually take. Just looking at Hinata, his resistance was already down about 60 percent.

“Would you like to try? Kissing someone, I mean…” Kageyama's attempt to seem disinterested and distant failed when he could no longer look at the wall and his sharp orbs ended up focusing on Hinata. More precisely, on his lips. Small, but they could easily take Kageyama out of control, either by saying nonsense to annoy him or by taking his sleep at night by imagining them in different ways. Aaah, how he hated waking up in the middle of the night, agitated by another confused dream and no context, where the protagonist was that boy with orange hair and excessive animation, who faced him with a mixture of incomprehension and doubt, at this moment.

“I don’t think there are people around who want to give me a chance to try it on, you know?” Hinata said what was obvious, in a tone that seemed to question Kageyama's mental capacity “I can’t just go out attacking girls and asking if they want to go out with me out of nowhere, I'm not desperate.”

“I know that, dumbass! I'm just saying you could try…  with… someone. Yeah, someone who would not demand anything from you in return. Just to try, you know? Take this problem off at once.” He rolled his eyes, speaking as if it were something ordinary and easy “Someone who was in a similar situation, perhaps. A friend,  or something …”

“Oh, I got it!” Hinata said loudly, startling Kageyama “I bet Tanaka-senpai was talking about something like that when he said he had experience! Of course, he would never have had a girlfriend! But… “He stopped again, looking more closely at that strange suggestion. “Wouldn’t be weird? Do it with a friend?”

“Of course not!” Kageyama replied in an instant “People do this all the time. I think. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Do you want to do it or not?”

“You mean now?” Hinata was suddenly nervous, caught by surprise “Are you offering to do this for me, Kageyama?”

“I would never want to do that, dumbass!” Kageyama shouted, almost offended by the implication. "But if you can’t stop thinking about it, you'd better do something as soon as possible. A bait is useless if you are distracted! And I, as a setter, have to pay attention that you do not end up becoming worthless, obviously”.

“Ah, get it! You're doing this so I can play better…” Shouyou pronounced his discovery carefully.

“Something like that.” He murmured, looking back at the wall. Lying that way to Hinata was not the most dignified thing to do, especially when he evidently believed in anything he said, but Kageyama had the impression that he would go crazy if he continued the way he was.

The feel of not being able to do anything consumed him from the inside. He was so used to solve his problems quickly and effectively, alone… and now he was trapped in a situation where couldn’t do anything by himself and had no idea how to proceed. The fear of not knowing and not being able to act was always what Kageyama most repudiated in his life, and being in that kind of circumstance tormented him every day.

“So… ?” It was Hinata's voice that takes him from his thoughts. He looked uneasy, in a different way than usual. “Are you going to do this, or…”

Kageyama looked once more at Hinata. Was he really so dumb as to miss the obvious intentions he had with that proposal? Or maybe…  he wanted that too… possibly? No, Kageyama refused to feed any hint of hope that had been in his chest for a long time, and he was not going to let himself be taken by stupidity now. Hinata got excited easily, with no reason whatsoever, and was totally an airhead. It wasn’t hard to believe that he really thought this whole conversation was normal.

Not to mention that… Kageyama didn’t really want to hold back. Even if it was in this wrong way, he didn’t want to miss the chance he was having, to know what it would be like to have Hinata closer, at least once. It was his only chance, after all. He took a deep breath and stood up. The redhead stared at him, apprehensive, sitting erect and upright for the first time since he had arrived, resting his hands clenched in a fist over his folded legs. This idiot was too tense! He shouldn’t be so nervous if he didn’t want Kageyama to get the wrong idea!

“Right. I'll do it, then. Pretty quickly, and then it'll be like nothing ever happened. Understood?” He stepped in front of Hinata, kneeling until he was on the same level as him. “Just to make it clear, I'm only doing this to improve your concentration in games, okay?”

“Osu!” Hinata replied immediately, but when he stared at Kageyama so closely, his ears turned red. He looked away, muttering, "W-why does it look like I'm being put on the role of girl? I don’t like it.”

“Shut up, you are the one who asked me to do this!” Tobio was soon arguing, though his statement was not entirely true. “And I'm taller than you.”

“Whatever.” he murmured again, making an angry pout.

“Besides …” Kageyama was irritated at Hinata's placement, he admitted. “There's no girl here. We are two boys, dumb. Just that. Stop thinking nonsense.” He sighed, trying to relax and with that, calming Hinata too.

“Just close your eyes. You don’t have to think about anything, just close your eyes, and leave everything to me,” he said. His voice was soft and deep, very different from what Shouyou was accustomed to hearing. Generally, Kageyama was scary when he didn’t scream… but not now. His words had a calming effect on him because it remembered something he already knew deep down. That no matter the situation, if he closed your eyes and trusted Kageyama, things would work out, just right.

And without thinking much more of the subject, he did as the other one said, simple as that. Tobio shuddered, fully aware of the conjunction he had created, which he couldn't escape even if he wanted to. There was Hinata, completely vulnerable in his arms, without even a hint of resistance. Lips half open, inviting and expectant. It was more than he could imagine in his crazy dreams, he was not prepared for something like that.

But giving up was not an option when he knew full well that Hinata would never leave him alone if he gave up right away. Gathering all his pride, he got closer. He felt him stiffen as he placed his hands on Hinata’s shoulders, though Tobio was shaking too. He was closer to him– not as much as he wanted to, but enough to catch up with him. Hinata barely moved. Tobio’s breathing was fast, his heart was beating loudly, he was obviously dying of nervousness… but he didn't want to demonstrate anything.

Hinata only waited for Kageyama, who then leaned down.

Had Hinata always been small like that? He had a good smell… smelled like soap. His face was so red, too…  Why was he still so shaky?

His head buzzed with so many thoughts that came and went at the same time. Trying to concentrate, he finally brought his face close to Hinata’s and felt his warm breath tickle his face when was close enough. He was sure that if the plan to forget all those strange feelings he had, after doing this, didn’t work out, then everything would go downhill. He could never get back to the way it was before, he was taking a big step. But Hinata was never afraid to take risks, so he would not either.

He was so close… so close he could not believe it. He turned his face slightly to one side, then closed his own eyes too. Hinata's messy hair brushed against his forehead. Their noses clashed for a brief moment before Shouyou tilted his face slightly to the opposite side. He felt the pressure under his lips before realizing that he had even reached the ultimate goal. It was soft, warm, and moist. Hinata gasped as soon as their lips touched but didn’t move.

Tobio slid one hand over Shouyou's shoulder until he gripped the back of his neck, and as his other hand tightened around his waist, he brought his face close, his lips moving for something he didn’t even know what it was. Hinata rested his hands on his chest, perhaps in an attempt to push him away, though that might have been left in the background so immediately that Tobio didn’t even notice, and he just left his hands flattened there.

Tobio’s heart was pounding so fast and loud that it disrupted his reasoning. If he still had some of it. All he knew was that he wanted more of it, and that would never be enough. He interrupted the kiss, not moving even a millimeter, only to recover the air before proceeding and then to take Hinata's lips again, more willingly this time, trying to deepen the contact as much as he could, even when not knowing how. He thrust itself against Hinata's body, pushing it as he hugged him, and their lips moved together.

He fell on top of him, on the ground, their legs half intertwined and his arm still around the boy's waist. He felt his hands on his chest, not trying to push him away yet. At that moment, Tobio opened his eyes.

Hinata stared at him, wide-eyed, red-faced, and breathless. His chest rose and fell as he gasped. And in his eyes, did Kageyama see… surprise? Fear? He didn’t know. Something he had never seen before in Hinata’s features, even when faced with strong opponents, or when he was discouraged by not being as tall or as good as the others. And it had been him alone, Kageyama Tobio, to cause this bad feeling in Hinata, this time.

He pulled back, standing as far from him as possible and rubbed his hair nervously. He could not face him directly, nor even think of anything to say. He had lost all chance of any coherent explanation to justify himself. With peripheral vision, he noticed that after a few seconds of trying to figure out what was happening, Hinata finally stood up. He gathered his beanie and fallen scarf from the floor, and slipped all these and more of his notebooks into his backpack at once, carelessly.

He rushed to the door, and there he seemed to hesitate. Kageyama's heart, already agitated, quickened in anticipation, but he still stared at the edge of the bed without the courage to lift his head. Hinata seemed to try to tell something, maybe say goodbye, but just ran out of there with all the speed he had, without saying anything.

Only then, Kageyama collapsed. He sat on the floor, his hands on his head and his face between his knees. He wanted to disappear ... he wished he had never met Hinata and had spent his whole life alone. Because that's what he deserved, after what he did. No matter how much he liked to imagine that Hinata belongs with him, in that brief second, and how good the feel of his lips was on his. Or how much he wished he could repeat that.

He had ruined everything. He scared Hinata, sent him away. That was all he knew how to do, after all, driving people away by being too demanding and too hasty.

When was he going to learn?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tobio did not show up in class the next day. He spent the day under the blankets, and as he looked really bad, his mother didn’t even discuss the fact that he must have had a cold, although that was not really the cause of his unwillingness.

Then the weekend would come, and he would have two days to think about what he was going to do with his life. He would have to go back to school on Monday, and Hinata was going to be there. Not to mention when the club's activities returned. How was he supposed to train with him, if he could barely think about it without feeling guilty now? He was distressed, full of thoughts that he shouldn’t have in his head, and with prospects of getting worse as the time passed.

There was nothing he could do to feel better, but he could at least eliminate the anxiety in his thoughts for a few minutes, and try to make that stupid headache go away. Tobio just wanted to free his mind of any concern, for some time, that wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

So, in spite of the thin, cold drizzle falling and the strong wind, Tobio wore a tracksuit and went out to run. It took him a moment to concentrate, but having to be careful with the movements of his feet, coordinating them with his breath, quickly, any and all useless thoughts were swept from his head. The cold hit his senses, and soon he felt his lips cracking; his nose, ears, and fingertips burned, teasing, but that was no problem. He hoped that his problems would freeze too, though he knew that nothing would be as simple as that.

After some time, with the movement of his body, he was no longer so cold. Breathe out at steady intervals, foggy when in contact with outside air, Kageyama just needed to focus his attention on this action, and nothing else would pass through his mind. His feet were taking him to some direction, he didn’t care where, and he only realized minutes after, that he was running at the riverfront.

When he left his house, the weather was cloudy, and the gray sky showed no sign of improvement. Now, looking away as he ran, he could see that the sun timidly cast its light rays through the dense clouds, lightly touching river water, tinting it with a delicate shade of orange. Orange, as in Karasuno's uniform. Orange as Hinata's hair…

“Ugh…”

Looking to the side, distracted, Tobio ended up stumbling into a person who was on his way. Judging by the size, it could only be a child, crouched down to tie their shoes. Usually, he would have cursed and told anyone to not get in the way, but he knew that this time he was wrong to distract himself as he ran. He was ready to ignore and follow his path, when the child in question raised its head,  covered by a hood.

Kageyama stopped, staring once more at the amber orbs he had decided to avoid, not believing in the ridiculous coincidence that had brought him here. He would laugh if he was not feeling as if all the air was stolen from his lung after a blow to the stomach.

Hinata also stared at him in disbelief, or discomfort even. The taller one was already going to make an excuse to leave in an instant, but this time, Shouyou was faster.

“Hi, Kageyama…” he murmured, his hands sinking deep into his sweatpants pocket. Tobio realized first of all that he still wore the practice’s shorts. Stupid boy, if he got sick just before they started training again, he would never forgive him. “Why… why d-did you not went to class yesterday?”

“I wasn’t feeling very well,” he said evasively. Hinata shouldn’t look at him with those worried eyes. He didn’t deserve this, not after what he had done. Tobio had already accepted the fact that he could never let those stupid feelings escape again, so Hinata had no right to confuse his convictions that way again. Even if it was all his fault, since the beginning, to let his hopes and feels get over his rationality. He would never do it again with Hinata. He should say it, and then run away and never speak with him again. Yeah, this looked a marvelous idea. A great way of dealing about feelings and all this shit. Tobio could do that, it was so simple.

“I wanted to talk to you…” Shouyou's voice was weak, hesitant. Very different from the usual full of energy. It was disconcerting, actually. It further confused Kageyama's perception.

“I have something to say, too,” he added, with a sudden realization. That was it. The reason for his restlessness. He had to apologize appropriately, and then, that weight would leave his back. Still, he didn’t dare to look up and face Hinata, he was sure that if he tried to stare at him again, the wrong phrase would come from his lips.

He took a breath, to say it all at once.

“I apologize!”

“I’m sorry!”

The uneven chorus took him off guard. He finally raised his head and noticed that Hinata was just like him, uneasy and nervous, almost breathless. His face was absolutely red, his eyebrows furrowed in distress.

“What are you apologizing for?” he was astonished. “ That day… what happened,  it was all my fault! I urged you on that subject, and I ended up convincing you to… w-well, you know,  and then… I got carried away and lost control, so… ”

“No, that's not how it happened!” Hinata interrupted “I was the one who pulled the subject, and I ended up making you suggest that idea and-”

“What do you mean?” Kageyama raised an eyebrow “I wouldn’t be stupid to the point of falling into some trap of yours, isn’t it? Don’t talk like you had everything planned from the beginning! I convinced you to try out. ”

“ Wrong! I found a way to make you want to try, to begin with! And then everything went strange…”

“I'm telling you that I thought of everything and made it happen!” Kageyama shouted louder, already irritated by the boy's stubbornness. He clenched his teeth, feeling the rage burn his muscles and make the cold move away.

“No! It was me!”  Hinata, with the same intensity, his eyes full of determination to prove himself right to the teammate.

The two faced each other for brief seconds, the former competitiveness that brought them together in the foreground more evident than ever. Only then did they both realize the kind of conversation they had, and what they had just revealed by accident. The moment of mutual understanding was brief, and the two moved away from each other as if suddenly, even their thoughts were dangerous.

Neither of them knew where to look. It had been this way from the beginning, right? They barely knew each other, but their thoughts and intentions fit so naturally that it was as if they were meant to connect. Kageyama could tell where Hinata was on the court, and where he would reach the highest point, simply and directly. Hinata understood Kageyama's minimal movements and could deduce what kind of ball he would send, only noticing the variation of his mood that day. Although they were complete opposites, they could match each other's line of thought without much effort. They fit together and added what was lacking in the other. That’s why they were the weapon of Karasuno, the unbeatable duo.

But this time, it seemed, they had been so obvious in their intentions that they could not even see what was there for anyone to see. It took them a few seconds to figure out exactly where they had gotten. They looked at each other again. Kageyama felt his heart race. Hinata shuddered with a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold wind. They did not know what to say, or what to think. Could it be that this time they had deduced the goal from the other in the right way?

“W-what are y-you saying with all of this?” Hinata stammered, pointing to Kageyama “Do you really really… wanted to k-kiss me?” He mentioned the last part almost like a conspiratorial whisper as if speaking out loud made everything disappear in front of him.

“Shut up, dumbass!” Kageyama shouted. A couple running along the sidewalk with their dog stared at him after the shout, chocked. “Stop being so damn loud, okay?” He lowered his voice, hiding one hand in the pocket of his coat, and pulled the hair that fell on his forehead forward, uneasy. "T-tell me, Hinata… were you thinking about it too? I mean, before I suggest, you know…?”

Hinata rubbed her face, turning his head to the side and looking at the river, towards Kageyama, back to the river, again to Kageyama…

“Perhaps?” Kageyama stepped forward against Hinata, and struck a beautiful blow right in the back of his head, making him bow in pain. Although, by far, it was the lightest hit Hinata had ever taken for as long as they knew each other.

“Dumbass!” he again ignored his own premise not to be loud and had to restrain himself from pushing Hinata down the hill into the river. “Making me worry all this time, for nothing! If you had been thinking about it from the beginning, you should have said! Idiot Hinata, moron, stupid!” He held the boy by the shoulders, shaking him as he spoke. “Why do you give me so much headache, huh? Why does it make my mind get all jumbled up? You should have said something about it much sooner!”

“But you were not exactly open, either, were you? If you wanted to kiss me so much, you should just ask, you know?” He muttered under his breath, very low, thinking that Kageyama would not hear, but of course, he realized. He squeezed Hinata's shoulders tighter, the hideous shadow falling over his eyes, and making the redhead sure she would find the gates of hell open at any moment.

“You… stupid…  smug shorty… I don't even know what to do first with you!” He growled under his breath, menacingly. He raised his blue eyes, so dark they were almost black, and as he looked at Hinata, he softened almost immediately. His face, frightened, but still curious to know what would happen from then on, was too much for him to handle. The grip of his fingers on his arms gave way, and he felt too weak to continue, suddenly. He let his head fall, leaning on the shoulder of the lower one. “Who gave you the right to think you can do this to me?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Shouyou startled with that unexpected approach but made no mention to move away. Kageyama's hands were still firm on his shoulders, and he felt his forehead almost on his neck.

“You did, moron,” his voice was barely a whisper and Hinata felt another chill as he realized how close they were once again, and the small fact that he could feel Kageyama's warm breath against his skin. “You did all this. You messed up my life and my head. Now fix this mess, take care of it. Have you not understood what you’ve done yet? I’ll have to say everything to you?

“It would be nice…”  he muttered because although he could already have an idea of what was happening there, he could not help but doubt his own senses.

Kageyama just stood there because from where he was, he could clearly hear Hinata's heartbeat. So he was not the only one to be nervous about these situations ... somehow, that realization made him calmer.

He pulled away with his usually serious face. No doubt, hesitation or idea of deception could be seen there. It was time to say what had been on his mind all along, and that he didn’t have the courage to put in words even in his thoughts. He took a deep breath, just as he did before serving a ball during a match. He needed to concentrate, and everything would be fine. He just had to say. Three little words. Simple, direct, effective. Like a spin serve. Like a fast toss.

He just has to set and… “Hinata, I–”

“I like you.”

Hinata cut him off this time. He had a sly grin on his already red face and smiled the same way as when he could beat him in the race to the court every morning before class. His eyes glowed so brightly that Kageyama felt dizzy.

“Why did you interrupt me? I was going to tell you first!” He screamed angrily, trying to hit that redhead once more, and Hinata laughed unreservedly.

“But you've been taking too long. And you were making such a serious face, I couldn’t resist!” he answered, taking a breath between the laughter “But I'm not joking, I really like you!”

That unwavering sincerity was a problem that Kageyama had trouble in dealing with. Hinata stared at him, and said those words with no hesitation and the same certainty that he said things like "I want to win" and "I'm going to hit your toss.” How long ago did Hinata knew this, and disguised so well that no one noticed? Or was it obvious all the time, but only Kageyama couldn’t see? He felt so foolish now, to worry about something that, in fact, had never been a real problem.

“Me too…” He wrinkled his nose, muttering in a way that made Shouyou come closer so he could understand. He pursued his lips, looking away when noticed the air of interest and anticipation emanating from those golden eyes. “I like. You, I mean…”

Hinata laughed. His happiness at finally hearing it was so genuine, it infected Kageyama, and a laugh escaped through a sigh of relief. It was so good, to get rid of that weight in his heart, to finally say aloud what had been so long in his mind. He had this old habit of overcomplicating what was not really that hard. And it seemed that Hinata knew how to untie these knots like nobody else since his mind was so simple that he didn’t think too much about things. It was good to have someone like that by his side, he thought.

Tobio reached out and ran his hands slightly trembling to Hinata's face. He gasped, surprised to feel the hesitant touch, and then the long, rough setter’s fingers trailed the way down his cheeks, finally shutting him down.

“If it means what I think it means, then, from now on, things change?” He asked, not wanting to talk about the question he really thought, out of sheer pride.

“I don’t think so… after all, we're still going to be a duo, aren’t we?” Hinata chuckled weakly.

Double, couple, did it really make a difference? They would continue to play, as usual, go to places together, go to each other's house, everything in the same way. Only now he could kiss him whenever he felt like it. Aah, stupid thinking, get out of here! You're not welcome.

“I'm sorry for running away that day. It's just that I was so surprised that you did that, that I couldn’t face you. And also, I was so happy… because…  I thought I could never say how I felt to you, then I would never be able to do something like that… And after everything, I was thinking about talking to you the day after, confess my feeling, and you didn’t show up at school!”

Kageyama was speechless, so he just went with the usual “You… you’re–”

“Dumbass?” Hinata completed, smiling. Kageyama was aware that his repertoire of adjectives directed at Hinata was not really varied, but none of it mattered, because he just couldn’t think of anything better. A dumbass was a dumbass, after all. He gave up, sighing heavily, as he put aside his rationality on the subject. Since when thinking hard about something, especially when it came to Hinata, worked for him? Never.

So, he finished with the distance that still separated them, and encircled Shouyou's waist with his right arm, while his left hand still rested on his face, slowly sliding down to the vivid hair “Oe, Kageyama, what are you doing? We are on public… there are people here…”

“There's no one that I know, and to tell you the truth, I don’t give a damn. You're already fucking pissing me off.” He murmured, frowning. The ease that that boy had to manipulate his feelings could annoy him almost as much as his restless personality. All Kageyama wanted at that moment was to silence Hinata, make him embarrassed and mesmerized, just as he had been the day before.

Without further thought, he closed his eyes and thrust his face toward the boy, sealing his lips sharply. They were rough because of the wind, and cold as well. He felt Hinata shudder in surprise, then slowly relax into his arms. Realizing that he responded, he relaxed too, relieving the tension in his muscles. His touch became more tender, and Hinata reached up holding him by his coat.

How could he believe for so long that what he felt was not real, or that it was not right? Being with Hinata, however, the way, was as natural as breathing for him. From the first moment, there was no more doubt. He could only feel very frustrated that he hadn’t realized sooner that none of his worries were justified.

When he pulled away, he realized that once again he had left Hinata without any reaction again. He pushed away from him, bending her hands into the cakes, purely for not knowing what to do with them, and looked around, disguising the embarrassment she also felt. He stepped back, digging his hands into his pockets, not knowing what to do with them, and looked around, disguising the embarrassment he also felt.

“So…and then… ?” Hinata’s voice was still weak.

That was a question that summed up the situation. And then? You like me, and I like you. Are we going to be together? And date each other for real? That's right? Could they really do that? All so sudden, and neither could say anything. In fact, there was no need for words, and dialogue was never really their strong point.

With one glance, or one gesture, they easily developed communication, and anything else became unnecessary. It had been this way for a long time already. They stared at each other once more, and for a brief second, they understood at once what had happened there, and what it meant. They smiled, so discreetly that untrained eyes would never notice. Yes, it was all right, the way it should be.

“Do you know the cafe in the backstreet?” Kageyama asked, looking in the direction he was pointing. Hinata nodded quickly. “Let's go there. And whoever arrives last pays the bill.” As soon as he said those words, he began to run. Hinata jumped at once, and it was not long before he caught up with him.

“Unfair, Kageyama! You went ahead!” He complained though he'd soon caught up with Kageyama's race as usual. “But ... is this a date?”

Tobio hesitated, and he took the opportunity to step forward.

“And if so, what's the problem?” He replied in annoyance, raising his speed too.

Hinata just laughed, and with the wind hitting his hair, it was as if he had created wings and would begin to fly at any moment. Kageyama liked to see the way Hinata almost seemed to touch the sky every time he jumped or run. It was magical. He really seemed to have wings. Like a crow, sweeping the skies with its definite purpose.

He'd spent so much time alone at the top that he could barely recognize that feeling when he started playing for Karasuno, but now he was already familiar to him. The feeling of not being alone, of having someone to trust. Someone who will always be there. Someone he's going to want to be there for, too. All his teammates were important, of course, they were. Whoever is on your side of the net is your ally. But Hinata is - always had been - special.

It had been him teaching this to Kageyama in the first place, and that captivated him in a way he never imagined. It was kind of silly to fall in love with something so simple…  but inevitable, in this case. Kageyama got used to the way things were, and now, he didn’t regret it.

He still wanted the top. But being there alone would not make any sense.

  
  


_… and then the Selfish King and the Small Crow lived happily ever after! Fighting a lot, having fun sometimes, arguing about anything, being there for each other…_

_… and of course, playing volleyball._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was the story
> 
> so there is another part, an extra of this fanfic, but I still have not translated it, so it might take some time for me to post ... anyway! I hope you enjoyed it so far  
> see ya


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